Christmas Red Cake (ala my mom)

Cake:

1/2 c. shortening

1 1/2 c. sugar

2 eggs

1/4 c. red food coloring (2 oz.)

2 Tb. cocoa

1 c. buttermilk

2 1/4 c. sifted cake flour

1 tsp. vanilla

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. vinegar

1 tsp. baking soda

Frosting:

5 Tb. flour

1 c. milk

1 c. sugar

1 c. butter

1 tsp. vanilla

Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour (or use cut parchment paper) two 8" round cake pans. Cream shortening, sugar, and eggs in a mixing bowl. Make a paste of cocoa and food coloring, and blend into shortening mixture. Add buttermilk to mixture alternately with flour and salt. Add vanilla. Combine together the baking soda with vinegar and carefully blend into the cake batter (do not beat). Pour into cake pans and bake 24-30 minutes. When completely cooled, split each layer in half. Prepare frosting by combining flour, milk, and sugar in a saucepan over med. heat. Heat, stirring constantly until thick. Remove from heat and cool completely. Cream butter and vanilla together. Add to cooled mixture and mix completely. Frost top of each layer and sides of cake with frosting. Enjoy and repeat every year!

What a Wonderful World...

A flock of birds swooping and soaring in unison over a harvested field,
a cheery purple door on a simple old 1930s house,
my littlest son's wrinkly soggy thumb,
a deli counter lady with an infectious smile and twinkly eyes,
a big brother beaming with pride at the fact he made his little brother giggle.
Life is good.

Top ten funniest things my boys have said lately...

10. Sammy: I want uncle-cado on mine. (avacado)
9. Isaiah: Dude, it was sweeeet. He had to go through the booty trap and then he almost got attacked by a mommy. (He also refers to "nissles")
8. Sammy: Turn me up-slide-down!
7. Isaiah: Does this take thriple A? (as in batteries)
6. Sammy: I see the American round! (merry-go-round)
5. Sammy: Can I have a he-weed? (took me along time to figure this one out: kiwi)
4. Sammy: See my hat?!? I'm Kid-diana Jones! (He thinks that's the actual name)
3. Sammy: (Upon recieving a "bug vacuum" for his birthday) I'm sucker-up-bug-Sammy. Sorry, Dad, but I'm gonna suck up all your bones and balls and blood, 'cause you're a bug.
2. Isaiah: Dad, why don't you have a list? (Dad: What do you mean?) You know, like Craig?
1. Isaiah: (To his brother, eating a mint) You can only have one of those a day, Sam, 'cause those are made in China.

Things I've Done

To participate just copy and paste in your own blog, and bold all of the things you have done. Happy discoveries!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch-hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (no, but we should've)
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Super Yummy Salmon Chowder

I tweaked this recipe from a mommy-group cookbook in my town. I'd give due credit to the original recipe author, but I don't know her or how she would feel about me putting her name on here- so just thank "that other mommy" for this really yummy, quick, and nutritious recipe. I've made it 3 times and it's a huge hit at our house...

• 1 pint canned salmon (*no self respecting Alaskan fisherman's wife would used commercially canned nasty pink salmon- so I substitute and use left-over flaked grilled Copper River red salmon and add extra chicken broth in place of liquid from can)


• 1/2 med. onion, chopped


• 2 stalks celery, sliced


• 1 clove minced garlic


• 2 T. butter


• 1 large potato, diced


• 2 carrots, diced


• 2 1/2 c. chicken broth


• 1 tsp. salt


• 1/2 tsp. dried thyme leaves (I used fresh from my garden this summer... yummy!)


• 1/4 tsp. pepper


• 3/4 c. chopped broccoli


• 1 can evaporated milk (13 oz.)


• 1 can creamed corn (8.5 oz)


• minced parsley

Drain salmon, reserving liquid; flake. Saute onion, celery, and garlic in butter. Add potatoes, carrots, reserved salmon broth, chicken broth, and seasonings. Simmer, covered, for 20 minutes or until veggies are nearly tender. Add broccoli and cook additional 5 minutes. Add flaked salmon, evaporated milk, and corn. Heat through and sprinkle with parsley. Serve with crusty bread- yum yum.

How to be a Cruel Parent- Part II

Never say yes to anything. I inherited this tendency from my own mean mother. It took an entire childhood of studying this ancient dialect to get it down pat and be fluent at it myself. So allow me to translate for you so that you can inflict this upon your own children. It's the least I can do.

Take this simple question: "Mom, can I go bowling with so-and-so?" Hmmm... seems straight forward, right? WRONG! Pay attention, people. "No," of course, means no. But any other response to the request gets a little more complicated. For instance, there's "we'll see," which means Yes, but I don't feel like consenting at this exact moment and if you hound me about it I'll eventually say no. "Maybe" means Yes, but I'm going to think of something to make you do first, such as clean your room. "Let me talk to Dad first" means I can't make up my mind whether it's a good idea or not, so I'll let your permissive father say yes and then he can get the blame when you act like a spoiled brat later and I won't have to feel guilty for it. And then of course, there's "I guess," which is as close as a mean mommy ever gets to actually saying ye... ye... ye... the Y-word.

Your personal safety is of utmost concern. How long could you survive chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor?

I could survive for 32 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Created by Bunk Beds.net

I want to eat him up.

I understand where that expression comes from. I look at all the rollie-pollies (I mean, really- there are like 40 gazillion rolls on that squishy little leg) and I just want to nibble on his neck and blow raspberries on the Buddha belly. Just in case you think Mean Mommy has lost her grip and gives giant lollipops as a regular meal, don't worry. I have a reputation to uphold and children to torture, after all. Jake is a year older now, and has maintained the same weight (32 lbs at 8 months and still the same at 21 months) but grown so much in height that he's lost a lot of his baby blubber. Now if I could only say the same for me. And something tells me it's not quite as endearing. *sigh* One day at a time...

My 'puter caught fire.

No joke. I was sitting there sorting email when the screen went black. No blue screen of death, no nothing. Just as I was beginning to get indignant (I take it personally even though I don't have computer skillz), I saw smoke out of the corner of my eye. The power unit inside our computer had caught fire and it was pouring smoke from under the desk. So I did what any sane, rational, calm person would do. I flapped my hands up and down and stuttered for a good 15 seconds before I blurted out "Fire, fire, fire!" And then Paulo looked at me all smiling and confused-like for another good 15 seconds before he realized I was serious. From that point on, though, he was a blur. He hustled pretty fast for a guy who just had surgery on his spine. Learn from us, people. Don't leave your computer running all day! And for goodness sake, definitely don't leave it running at night! I used to leave ours on all day and check it periodically- even leave it running when I left the house for errands. Can you imagine if I'd not been sitting right there? And our whole loft/art studio/ office area? Talk about a fire trap! Our file drawer was a mere 2 inches under the computer. This is on the heels of a fire this summer in a house belonging to some acquaintances of ours down the street- their clothes dryer caught fire and literally melted. So be fire safe! I mean- I have a thing for firemen and all- but not that much of a thing. Having them walk through my house to check our alarming CO detector and seeing my dirty laundry on the floor was humiliating enough for one year, thankyouverymuch. At any rate- save the earth, cut your electric bill, save your home and maybe your babies lives, and prevent your hubby from having to piece together a new computer by turning off your computer unless you are using it.