Dear Bristol,
I don't know you personally, but I was a 17 year old once, too. I remember how hard it was to feel confident in my own skin. I always felt I was a little bit less than everyone else; I wasn't a straight A student, I wasn't particularly athletic, I wasn't super popular or the prettiest girl in school, I wasn't the most talented or voted the most likely to succeed. I thought my legs were too pale, my tummy too flabby, my nose too big, my essays not eloquent enough, my car- oh, wait. No car. I worried if this boy liked me or if that boy didn't, and if my zero on my last math assignment would get found out by my parents. If I could relive my teenage years all over again, well... I wouldn't. Ever.
And so I cannot imagine what must be going on in your beautiful head. The normal high school angst that helps us all grow into the adults we need to be has been replaced by what must be an agonizing sense of criticism and guilt regarding your own "failures" as well as your mother's "inability to control" you. Today I read a statement in a magazine that quoted, "It is possible that the entire GOP has just been toppled by a 17 year old." Such blind and ugly blame to place on such a young girl. You have cameras capturing your every expression, outfit, flash of emotion, awkward attempt to hold hands with your boyfriend and protect your growing belly. All for the benefit of millions of people to speculate on your mother's ability to parent and lead a nation. Or your own ability to turn a moment of weakness and poor judgement into a life that is carved from the context of your faith. Like wolves feeding on a moose calf carcass- everyone wants a bloody piece of the story.
I remember hearing about "spotlight syndrome" where someone becomes overly and unnecessarily self-conscious, thinking that everyone around them is focusing on their short comings. Well- you unfortunately and literally do have the spotlight on you right now. Is this your mother's fault? No. I believe John McCain and your mother honestly thought that Americans would be more concerned with our families having homes foreclosed on them or losing jobs, or our young men and women losing limbs and lives overseas, or the kid down the street who has cancer and whose parents are going to have to declare bankruptcy to pay his medical bills... I guess they were wrong. All Americans want is a quick fix, like a druggie- to feel they do life better than you, or your mother, or her party. That if they were in charge- perfection would reign. They are searching for the speck in your eye.
All this hits at a time when you should be embraced and nurtured by your loved ones and your community. It should be a time to get serious and make hard decisions about your relationship with your child and his/her father and what your adulthood will bring. Will you have an epidural or not and who will be your birth coach? You should have the time to sit and ponder whether you will breast feed and how to balance that with taking classes. Who will babysit and throw you a shower? Where will you and Levi live and how can you best support yourselves? Instead, you are left worrying about what millions think of you and your young love, what millions think of your mother and her parenting and whether or not you let her down and ruined her career- the first potential Republican woman vice president. You don't need the weight of the world on your shoulders- you need to be lifted up.
Let me shoot some straight talk with you... You're gonna have to square up your shoulders, stick your chin out, and be proud of who you are. You know all those self righteous, stuck up kids at school that sneer when you walk by? Or the ones who throw litter out their car windows and shoot up highway signs? Or the ones who turn everything into a joke, even when it's important? Or the ones who gossip about their friends behind their backs? Or the ones who use other people's mistakes as grounds to humiliate them? Well- they rarely change. They just become adults who continue to do the same thing. And what you get is a person who wants to use your pregnancy as a chance to tout their other political party with its better sex education stance (as if it's only possible for teens from conservative or religious families to get pregnant); You get people who claim to be open minded and educated on the issues, but stop talking about solving big problems in order to chat about the latest supposed conspiracy in a blog or tabloid and pass it along like wild fire; You get people who want to see the ugliest thing they can find in any situation.
I'm sorry you have to find this out so young and in such a big way. But I hope and pray that it makes you a stronger, more resilient mother who can stick up for your child... Like your own mom. I hope it helps you find your calling in life and to seek out those who love you. I hope it bolsters your faith and allows you to feel the true power of Christ's unfaltering love and forgiveness for you. I hope it helps you to develop a strong sense of confidence and peace with who you are. My own grandmother had my dad when she was only 16, and she led a wonderful life and was greatly loved and admired by her children and grandchildren.... I wish the same for you, and as a mom, I am so proud of your decision to nurture your baby.
He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fears, gladness in mourning, peace for despair... Adapted from Isaiah 61
Hang in there, kiddo.
Love, the other Sarah
