How to be a Cruel Parent- Part II

Never say yes to anything. I inherited this tendency from my own mean mother. It took an entire childhood of studying this ancient dialect to get it down pat and be fluent at it myself. So allow me to translate for you so that you can inflict this upon your own children. It's the least I can do.

Take this simple question: "Mom, can I go bowling with so-and-so?" Hmmm... seems straight forward, right? WRONG! Pay attention, people. "No," of course, means no. But any other response to the request gets a little more complicated. For instance, there's "we'll see," which means Yes, but I don't feel like consenting at this exact moment and if you hound me about it I'll eventually say no. "Maybe" means Yes, but I'm going to think of something to make you do first, such as clean your room. "Let me talk to Dad first" means I can't make up my mind whether it's a good idea or not, so I'll let your permissive father say yes and then he can get the blame when you act like a spoiled brat later and I won't have to feel guilty for it. And then of course, there's "I guess," which is as close as a mean mommy ever gets to actually saying ye... ye... ye... the Y-word.

How to be a Cruel Parent- Part I

One of the most deliciously wretched things you can do to your child is require an early bedtime. Most of the time I put my children to bed at 7:30 during the week, so that they are asleep by 8:00. My oldest complains they miss all the "good shows" and commercials on t.v., none of the other parents make their kids go to bed early on school nights, and all I want to do anyway is have quiet time (say that in a snotty tone to get the real effect) and a date with Dad. Early bedtimes. Just another way to be a mean mommy.